Wednesday, December 31, 2008
A central part of my life right now is eating, drinking and breathing driving. And not just plain, on-the-road driving but the show-the-examiner-how-well-you-do-tricks-with your car driving e.g. hill braking, side parking, 3 point turning.
And because even if you know the technique of doing all these things you can still not execute them well due to a million and one reasons (e.g. going a little faster/slower than normal, using a different car, rain conditions, turning a little fast/slow etc.) I have started to fear failing my driving examinations. Especially when it's just around the corner: 21 January 2009 to be exact.
And it doesn't help that under the rules of the examination, you're basically operating on a prettyyy tight rope. Cross that white line? Fail. Wheel stopped moving for just a second in turn? Fail. And the only way of getting out of that tight rope is well you know, $$.
And added to that pressure is that I need to pass the examination fast, to get my license fast, so that I can go back to Melbourne that bit happier instead of having the fuss of repeating driving lessons and examinations at the end of the year.
It's not surprising then that it doesn't matter how many times I tell God: Please help me! ... I still feel really small and afraid. Because UGHH it's just so frustrating.
SO, I've decided I'm going to go on a fast starting next week right up until the driving exams itself. It's going to be my first time fasting (the last time I tried was when I was a kid, it failed :S) so pray that I stick by it! :D
I'm going to be fasting from the TV, Internet, snacks, reading novels... basically anything I do during my spare time except for napping (that doesn't count because I need my sleep after gruelling 4 hours of training on the driving circuit starting at 8 in the morn). So since I won't be doing all those aforementioned things, I'd be focusing on seeking God instead like praying, reading God-inspired books, writing, listening to God-inspired music etc.
Because I feel that you know, the victory for a pass in my driving exam is there just like any other thing in life. But I also feel that unlike past victories that came reasonably easy (e.g. just praying, declaring), the battle for claiming what's already mine this time round is going to get a bit tough. What with the sometimes crippling, I-want-to-curl-up-in-a-ball fear and the daunting pressure that's been mounted. So since the stakes are higher, I'm ramping up my efforts :D
And I can do this. I can win this. With God's help.
He'd never leave nor forsake me right? ;) So cool, I won't leave nor forsake Him either especially when I really need Him now.
Pray for me? :) And I'd repost after the 21st.
Siaw Hui
She thanks her Jesus at 3:38 PM
