Tuesday, March 10, 2009
I have not enjoyed the last month at all. It's been the darkest place since, well since I can remember. I've been, like Pastor Sam so aptly put it, blind.
It's like, I've felt myself trudging along life oh so drearily. Feeling out of place, out of touch, frankly bored with what I've been doing. I started to convince myself that life was, actually, considerably meaningless and pointless from every angle that I looked from. Life was monotony not diversity. Life was about predictability; if you study real hard, you'd get your degree. If you work real hard, you'd get the cash.
But then at the end of it all, with all that cash and the hard-earned degree, where do you go on from there?
So maybe you find the love of your life, get married, settle down, have kids, watch them grow old with tears of joy in your eyes and then what? Death.
It felt as if life was a well-worn path. People have been there, people have done that and wow, look, surprise surprise I'm going to go down that road too. Hurrah.
It was like trudging along the dark, knowing that all you really needed to do was to keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep to that straight line and yeap, you'd get to that next predictable pitstop in life and then the next and then the next ... And yet that one simple task didn't make me happy. It was menial, tedious. And knowing what came next was not comforting at all, it just sapped me.
I felt listless, helpless. I felt like I could do nothing about my life; it was just going to sweep me down that path of predictability.
And then God opened my eyes.
I know, in my heart, that He'd wanted to do that for so long because after all, everyone knows that it just breaks God's heart when His kiddoes suffer. And here was I, plodding along unhappily in the dark but still, stubbornly unwilling to ask for a little light ... until the floodgates opened and I just couldn't stop crying out for help.
And it's amazing the way light suddenly erupted onto my vision. At the end of the darkness was this wondrous, wondrous door of light. It was a door of posibilities, a door that opened out into what my future was like and all my misconceptions about life's predictability was thrown to the ground, shattered into little pieces and stomped on.
What lay in front of me were gentle rolling hills, vast expanses of beautiful meadows, and long winding paths; paths that I would take in my journey. And I found myself in awe of it all; gaping wonder at what God has in mind for me. The future, quite literally, was lying right on my doorstep and it was completely and utterly mindblowing.
Sure, I couldn't see what lay beyond those hills. And sure there were bound to be steep paths and valleys. And maybe even forks in the road... but I just had this feeling that this journey was going to be uniquely exciting and adventurous.
I know now that God doesn't want me to take paths that others before me have taken. He wants me to take the path HE has created for me and only me. My destiny is nowhere near the same as the destiny of others. The journey that I take with Him in this life will be one that only He and I will understand. No one will go through the experiences I will in my lifetime and the challenges of these is just oddly exhilarating.
So yeah, just an encouragement for those of you who might be feeling down today. Just you know, the "regular blues". God's got an awesome plan for you so ask Him to un-blind you to it ;)
Siaw Hui
She thanks her Jesus at 12:24 AM
