Love Letters to God

One liners that spur me on

2009-09-24T23:44:00.002+10:00

Just wondering about how dead this blog is, and then how I was supposed to keep it updated :D So yeah, just decided to share little one-liners that keep me going throughout some of those challenging times ;)

The King is enthralled by your beauty (Psalms 45) - yes, that's for the girls :D especially when they're feeling not good enough, not pretty enough :)

I was born for such a moment like this - that's for those times you feel: "Aargh why me! Why this?"

God'll never leave me, nor forsake me (Joshua 1? something like that) - for those times you feel alone in your sadness, your challenges

I have a dream bigger than me - for those times you feel like you've got nothing to live for

My cup overflows with His goodness - for those times you need to claim those blessings :)

Hope that encourages and stirs you :D

Siaw Hui~*

2009-09-07T20:25:00.003+10:00

One day after a great and absolutely mind-blowing camp, less-than-good news hits. And I have a gut feeling that this isn't going to be the last I hear - though I pray that it will be.

So what do I do now?

Well, I'd tell you what I do.

I don't care what news comes my way - be it good or bad. And I absolutely hate it when thoughts come into my mind and go: "Oh there you go. See, see, you were so into God and serving Him that's why this happened the way it did. If you were to play it down a bit, it wouldn't have been so bad, don't you see?" And, honestly there's a part of me that goes: "Yeah that makes sense. If I hadn't spend so much time chasing after God and building His kingdom, if I had tuned down, maybe things would have been better..."

And then I realize.

WHAT ON EARTH AM I THINKING? What happened at camp was real. What happened at camp changed me, turned my life upside down, my heart inside out. And nothing can ever change that, NO ONE can ever take that away from me! I had felt so alive in His presence, I kept jumping for joy because it was just bursting over and over again inside of me, I felt so ... floaty! Hahaha, that's my officially favourite word from now on.

God hasn't robbed me of anything. Loving Him, serving Him has only added more to my life! Sure this bad news had to come but that doesn't make Him less real, less true in my life. It's a lie to say that it happened because of Him. It's NEVER because of Him because He's only come to add more to me and my life!

This is just a challenge, a test of my whether I'd throw in the towel, go "Yep, you're absolutely right, I should stop serving while it's not so bad yet" and walk away OR if I'd stand absolutely put, ground my teeth and press on because I believe that there's something greater! And blimey, I'm taking the second option man! :D I know God'll give me the strength to get over this one and the skills I need to take the next hurdle and turn this bad news into a good one - totally! :D After all, put first His kingdom and everything else will be added right? My cup shall overflow with His goodness yeah? I"M CLAIMING THOSE PROMISES MAN and I'm living for more!

So, I just want to challenge you. What thoughts are you thinking today? Are you thinking along the lines of: "Yeah, if only I cooled down my relationship with God a bit, maybe I'd succeed better in this, maybe I'd do better in this..."? Because if you are, let me just say: "STOP THINKING THOSE THOUGHTS!!" They're absolutely rotten and they're absolutely STUPID LIES.

Because did God ever say: "Oooh yeahh, chase after other things first, I'm not that important... you can chase me after you've chased those things." OH WHAT ROT. He's a jealous God and He's so freakingly head over heels in love with you that He aches for you to love Him with all your heart. And how do you show him that? WELL, my dear friends, you CHASE HIM DOWN, you HUNT HIM DOWN, you serve Him, seek Him, draw close to Him, do EVERYTHING that pleases His heart right?

But you have a choice! He won't force it down your throat demanding: Thou shalt love me or I shall smite you into ashes! But He aches for your intimacy. That's a fact. He doesn't want you to be cold, not even lukewarm - He wants it all, just like how you have HIS all. And jsut because you're not seeing His blessings today DOESN"T mean it's totally non-existent. Did He say: I shall only bless you when I feel like it? He said ALL things will be added unto you when you seek first His kingdom yeah? He said: My promises are Yes and Amen yeah? He said: I will grant you the desires of your heart. He said, Ask and it shall be given unto you.

The key thing to note is that it never said: I shall add all these things... IMMEDIATELY. I shall say yes INSTANTLY. I shall grant the desires RIGHT NOW. I shall give it THE MOMENT YOU SNAP YOUR FINGERS. Patiences is something God highly values and one thing I've learnt, God's timing for blessing is sooo perfect - even though you wait for it - because when it's granted, you've learnt so much along the way that you doubly, triply appreciate what He's given to you. :)

This world is full of challenges. Whther or not you choose to back down, thinking it's because of God that these things are happening to you is a choice. But I choose to press in, go higher because I know I've got treasures waiting up there for me ;) and that whatever happens here can be overcome because I've already got victory in Him. So yeah, maybe I'm going through a rough time now. But I'm NOT gonna level the blame on Him, neither am I going to stop serving and loving Him because I know my blessing's just round the corner if I'd only let Him give me the skills I need.

So what are you doing today? Backing down or standing up?

Beauty

2009-09-01T00:53:00.001+10:00

Psalms 27:4 - One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. (NIV)

You know, when I was younger, I never really understood the meaning of this verse. I mean yeah, sure, understandably, David would want to seek out a God who is the most powerful being of the universe in an attempt to know His heart, know the workings of His mind. But to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord? Why would anyone want to do that?

Like can you imagine? Just sitting there and staring at God. Like eh, nothing better to do ah? Why don't you ask Him a question? :)

Then, I went walking in Carlton Gardens and it's like in that moment of time, everything became so crystal clear.

Imagine... a clear, cool Melbourne winter evening where the sun hovers somewhere between afternoon and night, casting a soft, almost orange glow on the path before you. A path littered with leaves the colour of autumn; rustic brown, yellow, the occasional red.

Imagine... trees of different characters. Some standing tall and proud; others slumped almost as if their backs hunched. Some - succumbing to winter's chill - stand bare, devoid of foilage. Then there are some that almost seem to defy winter, showcasing thick leaves that rustle ever so softly in the breeze...

Imagine... imagine.

Because that's what I saw for the whole week that God was teaching me about beauty. :)

Standing there in the midst of nature and knowing that it is as its most dormant because it's winter and yet ... seeing the quiet enchantment of it all just makes me go: Wow. And there's just something about it all that makes my heart give out this huge sigh of relief and slow its beat down - almost as if it's calming my soul. I feel as though the world has stopped turning for that moment in time - as if everything else in my life fades away because, just because it really doesn't matter all that much anymore - well at that point in time anyway.

It's as if there's a crystal clear message scrawled across the picturesque scenery that tells me everything's going to be just all right - so don't worry. I don't know how and I don't know why I should let the majesty of nature affect me this way - but it just does.

And the thing is that it doesn't end with just me standing and watching the beauty that surrounds me; I actually walk away from the gardens with this "floaty" feeling inside of me. The feeling that I can do absolutely anything because there's nothing that can stop me; the feeling of wanting to hug people for sheer joy - to look at people in a new, non-judgemental light :)

And that's when the reality of what David said hit me - loud and clear. That's when I began to understand how totally marvellous, how awesome it is to just be in God's presence and enjoy His beauty. To not say anything but just BE in where He is and letting joy, love, hope, security and so much more just wash over me.

And I realize that's exactly how relationships develop and how they mature. Like, when we first meet someone, we're all gungho about wanting to grow the relationship and cement it ever so strongly. So we go all out to talk (and I really mean talk) to them: tell them who we are, where we're headed for in life, what we love doing... just basically me, myself and I. Added to that is this whole: Let's get to know you too! deal. So we ask about the other person, we get to know MORE about the other person; her interests, her life...

It's how we behave around God when we first meet Him. We ask Him to show us things about Himself, ask Him to speak to us. And for the me part, we ask Him to come through for us, we tell Him about what's going on in our lives...

But then just like how a relationship matures into those long but comfortable silences. It's not that we don't put as much time and effort as we first did in the beginning because the effort and the time remains the same. It's just the fact that we know each other much more by now that we can just sit in silence and just ... enjoy each other's presences. And a lot can be said in those complex silences; a lot can be conveyed.

And that's how it is with God. You come to this point where you don't really need to blab everything out to Him anymore. There's this feeling that He knows you (well He always has, it's just that you don't feel the need to actually tell Him about yourself in tons of words anymore :D). And the silence is really enough because that's all He really needs (at this stage) to show you His love, His glory and His unbelievable presence... and so in the silence, you just ... rest in His presence and ... get that "floaty feeling" :)

So may I suggest that (if you've not already done it) to get into His presence and just, be silent and enjoy what His beauty has to offer? :D

2009-08-08T23:32:00.003+10:00

Saw this wonderful quote today:

Don't ever let adversity get you down - except if it's on your knees

How awesome is that? :)

P.S. - I will definitely update after this splunking (for lack of a better word) midsem is done and over with phoo. I promise it'd be a good post! :)

I think the one good thing about studying neuroscience this semester is this: God is freakishly genius when He created our brain circuitry :) - so much so mere mortals like us still haven't worked it all out yet - hence the difficulty in studying lol.

Siaw Hui ~

I have a dream

2009-07-17T21:28:00.002+10:00

Since Tracy's begging me to write, here I am :) Nah only kidding. Was meaning to blog (her comment just gave me more incentive to :D).

I've just realized that for the whole month of June, there hasn't been anyone blogging here. O.o And to think, that this blog was set up with the sole intention of encouraging people. :S So I've renewed my vows to keep the love up in this place, just because ;)

You know, I've been thinking a lot about life dreams (especially what with Hillsong Conference last week and all) and how I believe everyone has a dream. When I talk about dreams, I'm not referring to those pictures that flash through your head at night nor of those you had as a little kid (e.g. I want to be a princess! A movie star! Rich and famous!) I'm talking about your heart's calling.

I believe that everyone in this world has something that they're deeply and madly passionate about; something that can break their heart and even bring them to tears when they think about it; something that drives them to get up every single morning just to see it come one step closer to them.

If you're sitting there, giving me a wide-eyed look because you think: "Pfttt, what's Siaw Hui talking about? I have nothing that burns me with the passion she's talking about!" You know what I say? Just sit quietly for a few moments, open your heart and search deeply inside of it and I know that you WILL find something that makes you burn on the inside if you really look. Perhaps the passion you feel for whatever cause it is isn't as intense as my description yet but I know (believe me, I know) that you'd at least feel a subtle tug or pull (or whatever!) on your heart when you think about it.

That dream, can I say, don't ever let it die. It is of the utmost importance that you guard it, you keep it safe because there will be a lot of people (maybe yourself included!) who'd tell you: "Forget it, you won't ever be able to do it because of A, B, C, D etc." But don't ever let that sweep your dream into that tiny corner and forget about it because that dream is inside of your deepest of hearts for a reason. It was planted by the one person in this universe (ahem God :D) with the sole intention of you living it out. :) Why? Because it'd make you happy, that's why :P

And one more thing: don't only keep the dream alive but also fan it into flame! Because a dream in its dormant state is not going to be as powerful as a dream that is bursting with life because the person who holds it has grown and nurtured it. But be careful though! Just because your ultimate dream is, for e.g. - to help the poor children in Africa doesn't mean you just wait around on your arse waiting for the free flight to Africa to give you the chance to work with such kids.

Why not start out with something in your local community? The Salvation army perhaps? The nearest refugee centre for example? Because one thing I know is this, how on earth will you work with children of a different culture in a politically unstable (and primarly poverty-ridden) country if you've had NO experience of working with kids in the first place? That's like me asking you to compete in the Olympics in horse-riding when you've never even SEEN a horse before. XD

Also, it's the way God works. He trusts you with the smaller things and then when it goes well, He graduates you to the next level - a slightly higher level and so on. And thank goodness He does it this way, if not we'd probably get overwhelmed and fizzled out if He immediately loaded us with the highest level of all because we won't have the capacity OR ability for it!

And you know what? It doesn't even NEED to be related to whatever your calling is! If you're called to become the next great worship leader of this generation, that doesn't mean you sit on your arse and do NOTHING until something remotely worship-y comes along! That's so - for lack of a better word - stupid! What's wrong with serving in another area of the kingdom? It can only benefit you so long as you do it with a cheerful and servant heart - God'll be pleased and, believe me, you open yourself up to an experience that'd only reward you and may help build foundation for that final destination you're heading for :)

So, just DO something about it! Don't just keep cradling your passion in your arms (thereby keeping it safe) but never doing anything about it except keep talking about it! This expression aptly puts it: You can talk the talk but can you walk the walk? ;)

And be prepared to give up any presumption you may have of your dream. Like me, you may have a certain life plan in your head with the dream ultimately being reached somewhere in said life plan. But God has His own way of bringing you to the dream because you must remember, do you seriously think you're taking this journey on your own? Well, bless your heart (lol), of course not! You can't possibly think that the Creator planted a passion in the heart of His creation (you) and then went: Oh-kay, you're on your own now dude, ta! No way! He wants to be on this journey with you - He wouldn't miss it for anything in the world :) I can almost imagine Him putting his trusty adventure hat on (like the one Indiana Jones has) and going: Hey wait up for me! I want to come along with you too!! :D

Giving up your life plan may be hard and even painful - when I realized that I had to give mine up, I cried for a night (honest) because I'd been nurturing it since I was ten please lol. But you know what? At the end of the day, I think about it like this. In my life plan, I've put in all the details that, I think, will make me very happy when I achieve it. I still think they'd make me happy even after I've given it up. But I also know that the me that achieves all those goals in my life plan will never be AS happy as the me that follows the unknown life plan that God has for me - get my drift? :) Because only my Creator would know what would bring me the greatest joy of all - like duh, it's not me who created my heart hey lol.

And you know what? I know God'll never fail me. See, I've come to realize that if God has stood before me before I was born into this world and told me: Okay Siaw Hui, I'm giving you a choice. Do you want to map out your next 20 years for yourself or would you let me plan it for you? I would have told Him: You go ahead, I'd just live whatever 20 years you give me. And for me, that's saying a lot.

Because (and this comes from the heart) in the past 20 years, I've endured disappointments - my older sister. I've endured heart breaks - and boy would you love me to elaborate on this one hey? I've endured betrayals time and time again - cue the two years I was Head Girl. I've endured physical threats and emotional abuse. I've endured laughter at me (NOT with me) for a whole year. I've endured attacks to bring down my self-esteem. In fact, Sarah puts it aptly when she says: Siaw, for someone as young as you, you've gone through a lot of stuff (that requires forgiveness) hey?

But you know what? I wouldn't change those 20 years for anything in the world. Yeah sure, it sucked when I went through all that - and wished then that God had mapped a different path for me. But at the end of it all, all these is the reason why I stand here today and am who I am. The friends I made in that 20 year journey - who are still dear and precious to me as when we first bonded and shared in those trials - wouldn't have been made any other way. And the lessons that I learnt and carry with me now wouldn't have been learnt any other way either :D And most of all, the experiences I had with God through those multiple trials couldn't (definitely!) have been felt so keenly and deeply had I not gone through those times. And it is these experiences that remind me of His goodness and keeps me going through a bad day even till today :)

So, I have a dream. I have a passion. My heart burns for people; people who have lost their loved ones. Orphans. Widows, widowers. But most of all, my heart burns for families. I have a strong belief that this world has seen too much brokeness that it has become a familiar tune to them. Well I want to change that tune. I want to make families sing to that tune that God has always intended - of love (not of hate for each other), of unity (not of divide), of commitment (not of unfaithfulness).

I believe that one person CAN change the world. Mother Theresa did - what makes you think you're inferior to her? Both you and her were made in the same image - God. All she did was allow herself to be used by God and let the passion she had for people in her heart show through. So stop thinking "But I'm only one person!" because the power of one can be mighty indeed.

So dream, and dream big. Because you know what? God's dreaming even bigger than you are ;)

2009-05-13T13:12:00.003+10:00

let me introduce you to my list of "i wants"

i want to impact the world - now!

i want to impact people's lives!

i want to influence ppl to greater heights!

i want to be there for ppl who are hurt, disappointed and need someone to just be there and give encouragement and hugs!

i want to get on with my life - not have it put on hold until i get something!

i want to live my destiny - NOW!

i want to never ever compromise what i'm made for for ANYTHING ever!

i want the world to remember me for the marks i left behind, not as someone who was: oh yeah she was cool, nice ... blah.

i want to breathe passion, live passion, move with passion!

i want to grow, keep growing, step up and keep stepping up - never back down!

WHOOT!

2009-05-03T22:14:00.003+10:00

I don't know how I'm going to type this because my heart's totally jumping all over the place right now and it's just bubbling out of me so badly!!!

BUT I must must share this with the whole wide entire world (hence, the blog lol) because it's just too awesome and INCREDIBLE! And I so want to encourage others to go through the same thing as me! :D AAAHHH!!

PLUS I need this so that I will NEVER EVER forget this GREAT COOL thing!

So okay, I just want to encourage you that whatever happens in your life; regardless of how unplanned said thing is, and you start questioning God (please refer to previous post)... I just want to encourage you to LISTEN to what He says and just OBEY it even though the answer totally doesn't make sense because it doesn't seem related to what you asked.

Because you know what? It sets you up for something greater (and totally unrelated too lol) and you will NOT expect it :D

Anyway, today at service, Pastor Rob was preaching and saying about how some people (including him) have smelt the Holy Spirit and how it smelt like concentrated rose petals. And I remember thinking to myself: Oh my GOSHH how cool is that?? (even though I could not even begin to imagine what that smells like LOL because in my experience, roses are really hard to smell... it's so faint!)

So when the opportunity came for us to pray and ask God to let us experience Him in ways we've never felt before, see etc. etc. I started praying: Lord, I want to smell You! Let me smell You! And somehow, in my heart, I knew that it was GOING to happen!

I didn't smell it right at that instant, but I felt a veil of peace just fall over me... when I could just become aware of my heart beat. And just for that moment, that one moment, it felt like everything was perfect and nothing could ever touch me!!

So anyway, after the whole deal was done, I walked out of the hall and to the side doors, to the spot where I initially was; welcoming ppl into the service before it began (I was ushering I FORGOT TO MENTION HAHA). I am telling you that as I pushed open those doors and went to assume my position I suddenly smelt this amazingly strong, powerful (yet not sickening, in fact pleasant) scent!

The first thing that went through my mind was: What perfume is that? And I turned to look if someone had walked past me and sent out that whiff of perfume as she walked by... but then I realized, all these ppl were walking past me and yet that scent didn't fade! It just stayed there as strong as it first began! If it had been emitted off someone, it would have slowly faded but... NO IT STAYED!

And then I started bouncing this way and that within that area and the smell remained the same. And then I started thinking: Okay, why is NO ONE ELSE smelling this?? No one was looking this way and that (like I did, trying to find the smell). They were just busy talking to one another, like nothing strong was piercing their nostrils!

And I remember thinking: Boy, does this scent remind me of flowers! AND THAT"S WHEN IT HIT ME! IT SMELLS LIKE ROSE PETALS!!! Like LOADS AND LOADS OF ROSE PETALS!! And as I breathed in more of it, I was more convinced.

I started running back inside; into the hall and for a while the smell stayed with me but then it disappeared. When I went back to that same spot there it was again! As powerful as ever! And this time, they were different people near the spot (so it's DEFINITELY not ppl emitting the smell lol!) And I was so totally gobsmacked because SERIOUSLY, it's the very same spot where I had been standing almost 45 minutes, welcoming ppl into the hall to encounter God! IT"S LIKE HE WAS WITH ME ALL THE TIME WHILST I WAS SERVING HIM HOW AWESOME IS THAT?

Oh, and btw, just to reassure any skeptics, in that 45 minutes before service started when I was standing there, I never smelt anything. Neither did Doreen (my awesome-st ushering partner who was standing there too, chatting her heart out with me). When I came back an hour after my experience to that same place (I was posted elsewhere) ... I didn't smell anything so NO it's not the carpet or furnishings WHATEVER!

And oh, by the time the last service came (yep I was still there because I was ushering hahaha) and when that opportunity came again. AGAIN, I felt the same peace... and this time, there was a faint smell of rose petals yet again!!

WOOOOO! Awesomeness!

Siaw Hui

2009-04-05T21:40:00.002+10:00

You know, sometimes you can plan everything and picture how it's going to turn out... and still have things not go according to plan and not turn out the way you pictured?

Yeap.

So now, God what do I do?

Do I stay, or do I run?

Siaw Hui

2009-04-01T19:07:00.003+11:00

Thank You thank You thank You.

Considering the amount I didn't actually really study but skimmed through, to get what I got is, unbelievable.

Thank You. But of course, this doesn't mean that I should continue slacking. :D

You know, I was thinking about encouragement. And how that something so small like: I think what you just did was awesome can just make someone else's day. So why then do we not encourage people more often? Why do we tend to play things that people do down or even worse, criticize them? So much so that sometimes when we get compliments, the first thought that we get is: Hmm, why is this person saying such nice things? He/she must have an ulterior motive.

Plain sad really.

So, I'm going to break out of the world's mould and tell all who read this: you guys are so great that it makes me melt ;)

- Siaw Hui -

2009-03-20T00:25:00.000+11:00

I need You to come through SO bad for me that I don't even know how to begin to phrase it.

I know the current situation I'm in is partially my fault but GOD, please oh please help me!

~ Siaw Hui ~

2009-03-10T00:24:00.005+11:00

I have not enjoyed the last month at all. It's been the darkest place since, well since I can remember. I've been, like Pastor Sam so aptly put it, blind.

It's like, I've felt myself trudging along life oh so drearily. Feeling out of place, out of touch, frankly bored with what I've been doing. I started to convince myself that life was, actually, considerably meaningless and pointless from every angle that I looked from. Life was monotony not diversity. Life was about predictability; if you study real hard, you'd get your degree. If you work real hard, you'd get the cash.

But then at the end of it all, with all that cash and the hard-earned degree, where do you go on from there?

So maybe you find the love of your life, get married, settle down, have kids, watch them grow old with tears of joy in your eyes and then what? Death.

It felt as if life was a well-worn path. People have been there, people have done that and wow, look, surprise surprise I'm going to go down that road too. Hurrah.

It was like trudging along the dark, knowing that all you really needed to do was to keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep to that straight line and yeap, you'd get to that next predictable pitstop in life and then the next and then the next ... And yet that one simple task didn't make me happy. It was menial, tedious. And knowing what came next was not comforting at all, it just sapped me.

I felt listless, helpless. I felt like I could do nothing about my life; it was just going to sweep me down that path of predictability.

And then God opened my eyes.

I know, in my heart, that He'd wanted to do that for so long because after all, everyone knows that it just breaks God's heart when His kiddoes suffer. And here was I, plodding along unhappily in the dark but still, stubbornly unwilling to ask for a little light ... until the floodgates opened and I just couldn't stop crying out for help.

And it's amazing the way light suddenly erupted onto my vision. At the end of the darkness was this wondrous, wondrous door of light. It was a door of posibilities, a door that opened out into what my future was like and all my misconceptions about life's predictability was thrown to the ground, shattered into little pieces and stomped on.

What lay in front of me were gentle rolling hills, vast expanses of beautiful meadows, and long winding paths; paths that I would take in my journey. And I found myself in awe of it all; gaping wonder at what God has in mind for me. The future, quite literally, was lying right on my doorstep and it was completely and utterly mindblowing.

Sure, I couldn't see what lay beyond those hills. And sure there were bound to be steep paths and valleys. And maybe even forks in the road... but I just had this feeling that this journey was going to be uniquely exciting and adventurous.

I know now that God doesn't want me to take paths that others before me have taken. He wants me to take the path HE has created for me and only me. My destiny is nowhere near the same as the destiny of others. The journey that I take with Him in this life will be one that only He and I will understand. No one will go through the experiences I will in my lifetime and the challenges of these is just oddly exhilarating.

So yeah, just an encouragement for those of you who might be feeling down today. Just you know, the "regular blues". God's got an awesome plan for you so ask Him to un-blind you to it ;)

Siaw Hui

Love

2009-01-24T12:18:00.003+11:00

1 Corinthians 13:13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Love. The greatest mystery of them all and yet it is, without a shadow of a doubt, the greatest force in the world.

Yet... I've always wondered, why love? Why does God place love above faith and hope? I mean, yes I understand the whole deal about how love conquers all and how it's because He so loved the world that He sent His only Son so that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16) but... well, aren't faith and hope incredibly powerful as well?

After all, it's not too much of an overgeneralization to say that believers and non-believers alike know that words shape the way things turn out (refer to the best-selling book The Secret and most importantly, the Bible). And of course, when we speak out blessings over our life, we speak with certainty, with faith.

Faith in a person is able to drive someone to do something he/she never thought could be done. The words: "I believe in you!" should not and cannot be underestimated.

And then hope. Throughout the hardest days of my life, it's hope that gets me going. In fact, I always tell myself that with a new day, comes a new hope for a new beginning. When we hope for something better, the horizon starts to appear just that tiny bit clearer, brighter... and then we start to hold out for it. In Romans, Paul explicitly states that hope, when invested in God, does not disappoint.

So why does love get a one-up over faith and hope?

The answer that God casually dropped in my heart however, is completely and utterly amazing.

Love produces faith; and faith sparks a hope for something better.

And that it so true.

Faith without love is just foolish. How can I trust in someone who doesn't love me? That'd be idiocy at the core because the person can betray me, hurt me. And conversely, how can I trust in someone that I do not love? Love at its essence is all about the investment of trust; the willingness to believe that the person who holds my heart will not proceed to shatter it.

And hope? What is hope without faith? And therefore, what is hope without love? How can I have this hope that the God of the universe has something far greater than I could ever dream of if I don't even believe that He's there? Hope without faith is senseless. I can say that I hope and I hope and I hope in a better tomorrow, but if I don't believe that I will have a brighter tomorrow then, seriously the hope that I speak about is not even hope at all! Because hope that dwells in the heart instead of only in the mouth, needs the innate feeling that yes, it's going to happen!

So, it's just like Paul says, without love, we can do the greatest things on earth but it'd all amount to clanging cymbals and gongs (refer earlier part of 1 Corinthians 13) because after all, love proceeds everything. ;)

Have a great Chinese New Year y'all ;) And God bless.

*~Siaw Hui~*

2009-01-21T17:29:00.002+11:00

God gave me a P license. :D

And I'm proud to say I did it all WITHOUT bribery. :D

And I totally know that it's God who was in total control of the entire thing because if you ask me details on how I maneouvered the car to do the various tricks... I will tell you I do not remember crap about it (especially my three point turning, I did some totally untried before technique LOL) EXCEPT that I did it.

Praise God, He really is good and He really pulls through when you decide to stand up for Him and His promises.

I'd tell you know that the last 9 days of fasting hasn't been easy. Especially in the midst of the ever impending exam and the fact that I've been driving like ~~crap~~ inconsistently right up until this morning's warm up (before the exam started) so much so I'm reminded of the temptation to bribe each and every single day after driving practice.

But you know what, I'm totally glad that I fought through, with God's help of course. You won't believe how much He's done for me besides giving me that elusive P. If God slept like humans, I can guarantee you He's been woken up each and every single night by my complaints and tears.

And oh my my, the things He's set into motion in my life during the fast besides the driving is so totally awesome. I can't WAIT to get into gear for the next part eventhough it's probably going to be tough. And there's this sudden explosion in the gifts He's given me that it's totally mindblowing: in the week alone, I've started writing my story (and it's totally growing great :D) and even a song. A SONG!! When did Wong Siaw Hui ever start writing songs? She only knew how to play songs.

And all because I accepted His challenge to surrender all. I know that there'd be times when I'd try to wrestle back the various areas of my life back from His hands but I know that I'd just end up putting it back in there again because it's really safer there, don't you think?

I'd update more once I give this sleepy eyes a rest.

GOD GAVE ME A P HOW COOL IS THAT YOU LOT? :D

Siaw Hui

2008-12-31T15:38:00.005+11:00

A central part of my life right now is eating, drinking and breathing driving. And not just plain, on-the-road driving but the show-the-examiner-how-well-you-do-tricks-with your car driving e.g. hill braking, side parking, 3 point turning.

And because even if you know the technique of doing all these things you can still not execute them well due to a million and one reasons (e.g. going a little faster/slower than normal, using a different car, rain conditions, turning a little fast/slow etc.) I have started to fear failing my driving examinations. Especially when it's just around the corner: 21 January 2009 to be exact.

And it doesn't help that under the rules of the examination, you're basically operating on a prettyyy tight rope. Cross that white line? Fail. Wheel stopped moving for just a second in turn? Fail. And the only way of getting out of that tight rope is well you know, $$.

And added to that pressure is that I need to pass the examination fast, to get my license fast, so that I can go back to Melbourne that bit happier instead of having the fuss of repeating driving lessons and examinations at the end of the year.

It's not surprising then that it doesn't matter how many times I tell God: Please help me! ... I still feel really small and afraid. Because UGHH it's just so frustrating.

SO, I've decided I'm going to go on a fast starting next week right up until the driving exams itself. It's going to be my first time fasting (the last time I tried was when I was a kid, it failed :S) so pray that I stick by it! :D

I'm going to be fasting from the TV, Internet, snacks, reading novels... basically anything I do during my spare time except for napping (that doesn't count because I need my sleep after gruelling 4 hours of training on the driving circuit starting at 8 in the morn). So since I won't be doing all those aforementioned things, I'd be focusing on seeking God instead like praying, reading God-inspired books, writing, listening to God-inspired music etc.

Because I feel that you know, the victory for a pass in my driving exam is there just like any other thing in life. But I also feel that unlike past victories that came reasonably easy (e.g. just praying, declaring), the battle for claiming what's already mine this time round is going to get a bit tough. What with the sometimes crippling, I-want-to-curl-up-in-a-ball fear and the daunting pressure that's been mounted. So since the stakes are higher, I'm ramping up my efforts :D

And I can do this. I can win this. With God's help.

He'd never leave nor forsake me right? ;) So cool, I won't leave nor forsake Him either especially when I really need Him now.

Pray for me? :) And I'd repost after the 21st.

Siaw Hui

2008-12-26T02:37:00.002+11:00

Sometimes the place we have to be in does not necessarily need to be the place we want to be in.

That is the simplest phrase I have ever heard in my entire life and yet it's the most profound thing I've heard in ages as well.

My God, that is so totally not of my own understanding nor wisdom. That's so totally trademark of Someone Up There.

(ooh capitals look cool haha)

But yeah, as I look back over my life, especially of this year, I realize the solidity of that statement.

There are a lot of times in our lives that we find ourselves fighting to do the very least of drifting in a sea of disappointment and hurt. Those times are the very times that we don't want to be in and yet they are the very situations that grow us, that develops in us a stronger character that will see us through the next level in our faith. Because by our very human nature, it is in times of despair that we realize how fragile everything we have is and begin to just invest all of ourselves in Him. And that's when He can teach us.

And then there are times in our lives where we feel that we're thrust into a world that we feel that we're not ready for. Or worse, into a world which you only have a miserable ounce of feelings for; not the heady youthful passion which will push you to the limits of best. Who in their sane mind would want to be there?

And yet, it is in those unsure times that we realize that we're totally and utterly lost without God's help. It's in those times that we understand the meaning of humility; to completely abandon ourselves to Him and His guidance. We're no longer swaggering our abilities, instead we're made aware of our weaknesses... yet they're weaknesses that are made whole in Him.

So yeah, sometimes the place we have to be in is the very place we don't want to be in.

But you know what?

Because I know what are the rewards I'd reap at the very end, I'd weather the ordeal.

Siaw Hui

2008-12-04T23:13:00.002+11:00

Lord, thank you.

Thank you so much for all that you've done. Thank you for my H1 and my H2A. And yes, though you know, things may have been better ... like instead of my H2A being a 79 instead of a H1 80, still thank you.

And yes, honest to truth Lord, I think I spent about 2 hours tapping my computer screen somehow wishing the 79 would turn into an 80 magically (lol) but I've come to realize Lord that with everything that I've been through this year, those marks are good (they're heck better than last semester's). Very good considering all the almost hell I've been through.

Because Lord, now I can stand up and say: My God, He provides. My God, He never fails because of all the things He's done for me. I think, when the time comes for me to give my testimony about Him in my life this year (which will be this Sunday, pray for meeee!!) in front of the church, I'd probably end up tearing.

Not crying because of the bad times I've been through, but crying because He's brought me through it all. Not only safe and sound but doubly blessed, doubly portioned, doubly sweet.

So thank you :) So much.

2008-11-28T14:59:00.003+11:00

"I remember the days of long ago; I meditate upon on all your works and consider what Your hands have done... Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." Psalms 143: 5; 8

God just dropped this passage into my head about a day ago, right out of the blue when I happened to walk past and look at my Bible. It was right after my mum gave me my Dad's birthday card (it's his birthday today whee! Happy Birthday Daddy!) and told me to write in it. And I was actually at a lost as to what to write but I knew I wanted to write something from the Bible because this is one of my chances to encourage him with words so why not? :)

In this particular Psalms, David is fleeing from his enemies (I'm assuming it's Saul) and he talks about how he feels defeated and crushed because of this ever constant, ever relentless pursuit. And I love the feel that he gives in that quoted verse because there's this sense that he's trapped in this gloomy darkness and yet he is able to quieten himself admist his anguish, and begins to remember what God has done for him time and time again before waiting for a new morning that brings hope with it.

You know, I was thinking to myself, why did David ask God to give him proof of His unfailing love in the morning? After all, didn't he already need proof of His love right NOW, in his darkest hour, in the night? And then it hit me: Morning IS the proof of God's unfailing love.

You see, no matter how dark and perilous the night can become, there is always the promise of the morning which will always, always dispel the darkness. The sun will never fail to rise, just like how God will never fail to love. A child of God will always be a child of God no matter where you go, and no matter how far you run from your Fatherbecause it has been and always will be your birthright.

Have you ever noticed how you can never hide from the rays of dawn? Sunlight has this remarkable way of permeating into deep recesses and crevices; it's very difficult to completely shut out the sun wherever you are. There'd always be that tiniest sliver of light that shines. So it's the same with God's love. It will always find you no matter where you go because it penetrates to the very ends of the earth.

And just like how that little bit of light is enough to shatter the surrounding mass of darkness, that little bit of God's love is more than enough to shatter the hardest of hearts it penetrates into.

Siaw Hui

2008-11-24T11:00:00.001+11:00

Firstly, to all my UL-ers and friends in Melbourne, I AM MISSING YOU SO BADD :( :(

Secondly, to PSCC, I AM ALSO MISSING YOU! MORE THAN EVER!! I miss the atmosphere there, it really is the one and only of its kind in the world. It's like, I don't know how to say it, but it's kind of like in any good church you can feel the presence of God during the service but the way it is manifested in PSCC is just... different somehow? :)

SO whoever is still in melbourne, better relish it OY! :)

Thirdly, I love the way God does humour sometimes. Because if any of you were around the Civic Centre parking lot in Kuching this morning (obviously no one was phew!) you would have seen this little Kancil driven by yours truly on her first ever driving lesson doing weird things like braking violently, making the engine die, knocking the back wheel against a low curb, almost knocking over dustbins (which has always been my worst imagined driving nightmare mind you)...

And the funny thing was that before I started my lesson, I was telling God: Please don't let me crash into anything please. And right there and then, I felt Him tell me: It's all right, I'd be with you. Then there was a bit of a pause before He added: This is going to be fun though, I'm going to enjoy it.

-_________-"

But yeah, oh come on, I'm not actually offended by Him laughing at me because whilst I was driving, I was laughing at myself too. And it's nice knowing that you're laughing and then your big Daddy's laughing with you as well. :) And yeah, who wants a God who doesn't know how to see the fun in things ey? If He wasn't fun, Christianity would be just a pile of crappy boredom bleh. It's nice having a God that understands and feels everything you go through with in this life because it just takes the love to a whole new level.

Coming back to Kuching, so much has changed within the life of my church here. There's a new baby on the way (and yeah everyone's fighting over what the boy or girl should be called when, for pity's sakes, we aren't even sure of the baby's gender yet because baby's only few weeks old hahaha!). I'm trying to find the ministry in which I will grow in (young adults? tertiary?) and one of the kids' ministry teachers have asked me to help out with the little kiddos because they're short on help currently.

So as you can see, am being kept on my toes serving in the ministries (current one being the music one ;)) and of course, communing with God outside the physical building of the church and asking for help in the challenge He has set before me (so far, there's been nothing yet but I know there'd be soon!) But I am loving every bit of it.

It's so amazing that everytime I come home from overseas that the questions posed to me have always been the same. It's always: Siaw Hui, did you lose weight? To which the answer has always been a Yes. And it's always: So Siaw Hui, have you got a boyfriend there yet? To which the answer has always been a No... because if it weren't, believe me, Jovial would have something to say about it XD

But the one thing that amazes me the most is the fact that I see all these adults in my church, who have coached me and mentored me in my teenage years (or have never even SAID anything to me before until now!) speak out over my life about incredible things.

Like how just before I left for Melbourne last year, an auntie who has known me since I was a girl of 13 tell me: I just see this godly crown on your head. You're such a princess of God. And how during my time in Melbourne, I've always remembered that and grew (and still growing) to understand what it fully means to wield God's kingly authority given to me as His princess and as a woman of God.

It's amazing how when I came back during this mid year, a pastor who I have never spoken to before found me out during the crowd and told me he had seen the way I'd worshipped and prayed and told me that whatever church I was going to in Melbourne (PSCC YEAH!!), they really knew how to teach kids like me to pray and worship.

And this time, the same pastor just came up to me and said, "There's such a great anointing on you that's just waiting to bless many, MANY lives ... I believe that you already are. And just as a side note, there's just SOMETHING about your prayers. When you pray, it just gives me the shivers in a good way because ... I just can't explain it!"

And it's great to hear stuff like that not because I need an ego boosting but because it encourages me to push on for God, to continue serving and to know that despite whatever pitfalls there may be on the way, it really doesn't matter because I get to see others blessed and come to know my beautiful Father in heaven. :) And it just gets me all excited and pumped up for where my anointing will bring me next ;)

So yeah, I just want to encourage all of you. When all of you go home, people can see how much you've changed whilst you've been away in a foreign land called Australia. And let that change be so much so that people can stop and say: Wow, it must be God behind this change! Because then they get encouraged by what's been going on in your life and they get excited about how you've changed which is always good because God's always wanting people to know Him more, ey?

And one last thing, GOD BLESS FOR ALL THOSE STILL HAVING EXAMS! You're all gonna ace ace ace the exams and you'd all be stupendously fantastic! :)

2008-11-19T03:50:00.002+11:00

The exams are over. I can finally take on some relief.

And though, I feel a bit apprehensive about getting my results back in half a month's time because I seriously do not know how to rate this semester's performance unlike last semester whereby I could sort of predict, I know that whatever happens now is up to God.

I've done my best, I've tried my hardest. I fought hard for my right to good marks halfway into my exams and I know I've won it. So Lord, you know what, I know that my results will be good. On the subject of how great it is on the scale of "good" however Lord, it is up to You to decide.

But Daddy, let me tell you this one thing.

The marks that I get for this semester, it all belongs to You. None of it belongs to me. Because Lord, without You pushing and tugging me along through this semester, I would have succumbed to the many times of wanting to shrivel up and not care about uni. And without You Lord, I wouldn't have had that spectacular performance in my midsemester (top 15%) and my HP assignment as well (You upgraded me from a 68% last semester to an 86% this semester how cool's that?). And I know that's all YOUR doing, God, because my time management and feelings at that time was so screwed up that it really had to be You pulling all the right strings.

So Lord, do it again this semester. Because Lord, when You do, Your light in my life shines that much brighter.

The glory's all Yours, Daddy, I have had no part in it.

Siaw Hui

2008-11-16T22:58:00.003+11:00

Dear God,

It's been a long time since I've written a letter to you.

Lord, you've put this incredible challenge upon me this week and to tell you in all honesty, Lord, I'm scared.

I'm afraid that I'm going to fail. I'm afraid that I'm gonna trip and fall on my face. And Lord, above all, I'm scared that whatever I say and whatever I do thinking that it is out of obedience to You, turns out to be horribly wrong because it was my flesh speaking or the world... or someone else other than You.

Lord, I'm horribly, terribly and utterly SCARED.

I'm scared of not knowing how to answer. I'm fearful of what people may think of me whenever I begin the sentence of: I feel God telling me to ... and somehow I keep thinking that I'm using your name in vain; as if it's not really You telling me to do it, it's something else but I'm just using you as an excuse.

I'm afraid that I'd be turned away and that whatever I say may not come to pass; that my prayer doesn't seem to bring a miracle.

But still somehow I know, deep within that the calling grows stronger every day. You keep telling me: Come on Siaw Hui, it's time. Come on now, I need you to step out.

God, I've been living with this prophecy over my life ever since I was 10 years old. Goodness, that's 9 years ago now. And Lord, it's such an amazing prophecy but I've always let it sit at the back of mind because I saw no possible way it could ever be fulfilled... but now Lord, at the age of 19, You've suddenly brought it back into full perspective. And Lord, that's all You said! I'd love more information Lord, but all You've said is: I'd guide you and reveal step by step.

And Lord,after Pastor Sam's message, I know for real now that it's Your voice I'm hearing. Not someone else's. Not my flesh because Lord my flesh is screaming out: I"M SCARED DON"T MAKE ME DO THIS!! WHY ME? CHOOSE SOMEONE ELSE! SEND SOMEONE ELSE! IT"S SO EMBARASSING...

And it's not the world because the world would just tell me: Relax, there's no need to spread God's goodness. And it's not the enemy because that evil little thing wouldn't want me to spread Your greatness.

And Lord by faith, I stepped out of the congregation today and I know that I've received Your blessing and Your anointing from the prayer team. I'm all set up and geared to go.

All my life, I've sung songs along the lines of: Lord, if you need someone, send me. God, I'm willing. I surrender all. I love you God to do anything for You. I give my life, my heart to You. So now Lord, I'm going to put it to practice.

God I don't know what I'm doing and I don't know what I'd say but Lord I know this for sure.

You are always with me. You'd always be with me. You'd teach me what to say, give me valuable insights that only You would know because You know everyone's hearts. And God, I'm scared. I'm frightened beyond belief. I'm terrified to pieces. But Lord, you know what? You've called me. So I'd go, with all my inadequacies, I'd go because I know it is by Your strength and not by my weaknesses.

And Lord, I don't care whether a miracle happens or not. I'd just do whatever You say and know that at least I'm pleasing You with my obedience. The results is up to You. And Lord, I somehow know that even as I take up this challenge, I know that I go in knowing that there are others who You've sent in to do some groundwork and all I need to do is build on it.

This is the season Lord. It's gonna be a tough season Lord, but I know somehow that this is the season of change. So I'm going in Lord.

But Lord, promise me this, let me go ... but NOT without Your presence. NEVER Lord, without Your presence because I need it. Every inch of it.

Come on Lord, let's do this. You'd be the master planner and I'd be the kakitangan ;)

Yours sincerely,
Siaw Hui

2008-11-14T00:00:00.002+11:00

thank you Lord.

finally, FINALLY, my exams are going right.

You guys wouldn't believe how hard I kept declaring favour upon my exams last night, marching up and down my bedroom. And I felt God tell me at one point that the victory that He had for me was there it's just that the Devil was trying to distract me from it, trying to stop me from taking it. Like he was sticking out his tongue at me and belittling me, telling me that I was a failure, that God wasn't helping me anymore and that everything was just lies.

So I got incredibly angry and started shouting at him and told him to get lost. I told him that nothing could ever take away MY blessing because it's MINE and not anyone else's less of all him. And after all, he can't even take my blessing away from my Daddy in the first place, that idiot. And because he can't take it away, he tries to prevent me from taking it it's SO DUMB ISN"T IT when you think about it sometimes?

I just wanna so encourage you guys right now. Esp. if things aren't going the way you want them to no matter how much you pray and ask God and no matter how much He promises... because sometimes, it's like what's happened to me. The blessing is there. God has it. But the devil's busy messing your head around, busy trying to tell you that the blessing is just a lie because natural circumstances don't seem to allow the blessing.

Let me tell you something.

EVERYTIME, the victory is there. You have it easy sometimes but SOMETIMES you've gotta fight for it. Like what Jov always says ;) It's a spiritual warfare for it and come on, why do you wanna not fight when you know you've got victory for SURE?

SO COME ON FIGHT FOR IT! I told the devil to get lost last night and guess what? HE DID.

Wanna know why?

Because my exams were SO much better than expected this morning. Not only did I know how to answer, I FINISHED WAY AHEAD OF TIME so I could actually check my answers.

See?

COME ON! FIGHT!

2008-11-12T14:49:00.002+11:00

hmm.

so the exams haven't been turning out the way i've planned.

on my very first exam, i didn't manage to finish the paper despite writing till my hand was sore and numb. i had about 1/2 a question more to go and left a small table of values blank because i was supposed to come back to it later.

and today, which is my second exam, i was supposed to interview a patient in 4 minutes. bell was supposed to ring upon 4 minutes and i was supposed to be done interviewing but... the moment the bell rang, i had just started asking my final question. and that wasn't the worst part, when the examiner asked me to diagnose the patient... my head went blank, i couldn't think of anything to say and i just went: i'm so sorry, i know what the condition is but i cannot remember the term. after all, i had only 10 seconds to answer.

and so i'm sitting here really sad. and depressed. and oh, whatever other synonyms you can come up with. i'm just about ready to cry.

because i know i can do better. so why didn't i do better? and isn't God supposed to be with me? after all that He's promised? why didn't He help me write faster that day? why didn't He make the patient talk faster so that I could ask questions faster? why didn't He make my mind clear so I could remember what the condition was?

but then you know what?

I remember my Bible tells me: My God will always be with me. He'd never forsake me.

So you see, I went through what could be rightly considered as hell in my papers so far but He was always with me.

Still doesn't answer the question of why did He not help me though...

Well, I admit, that's true. Why didn't he bless me with a quick mouth, quick hand, quick mind?

But then, I start to remember the challenge He's placed upon me ever since Swot VAC started. And that is to not look at the natural, but focus on the supernatural. Because sometimes, eventhough a H1 for me right now, doesn't seem possible with the way things are turning out to be, it may very well be possible because God's in total control.

And as I keep feeling my heart going into the mode of despair, I know deep inside that my God is challenging me. He's kept telling me: Come on Siaw Hui, I know it doesn't seem possible but believe me. You've got to hold on. You've got to press on. I know you feel like you're gonna flunk this exams, that a H1 is outta the question already, that you just wanna stop studying for the next three exams but you've gotta push on.

You've gotta trust in me. Believe in what seems to be the impossible. I will bless you, and what I promise I will not fail. And for all it's worth, this just makes it all a greater testimony of My greatness.

And then He keeps bringing to mind of how He's blessed me even by the work of my hands, even by natural circumstances, things seemed impossible.

So you know what?

To blazes with what's happening right now. To blazes with my feelings of inadequateness, that I will not measure up and perform my worst ever in exams. To blazes with the fact that I seem not to be able to remember everything for my exams in day to come.

Because all that I'm living for right now is you Lord. I don't know how You're going to help me but You most certainly are going to. All I have Lord, it's Yours. All I do God, it's Yours. And all I am Lord, every single part of me, belongs to You Lord.

Because now I'm starting to realize Lord, come what may in the next three exams, it isn't in my hands anymore. I've done the work (and play) and now I'm just doing the best I know how to. My weaknesses Lord, are made whole in You. It will not be by my strength when I succeed, it will be by Your grace and Your love. I think that's what You're trying to teach me through all of this. That the best of human preparations would be nothing without You making sure everything else falls neatly in place.

Lord, I don't know what's gonna happen next Lord. But Lord, I know this: That You'd never leave me nor forsake me and that Your plans for me are not for evil but are prosperous.

Lord, for the first time in my life I will actually mean this.

Lord, I trust in you. I need you. My academics depends on You.

2008-11-09T17:14:00.002+11:00

And even as I walk into the exam hall tomorrow, I know that I'd be all taken care of.

Even as I sit for the five papers in the period of 9 days I know that I'd be all right.

No, wait that's wrong.

I will be more than okay. I will be more than fine.

Because my God will go way and beyond "just fine". He makes sure my cup runs over, He makes sure I'd be drowned in His blessings.

Lord, I thank you for promising to never ever let go of me. I thank you for loving me even through all these nights of studying. I love you because you're always there at every second of the day to help me whenever I need you.

My God will help me write tomorrow, I just need to hold my pencil and I know He'd bring to remembrance everything that needs to be written down. My God will help me to be creative tomorrow, especially when it comes to writing what I think is causing a certain person to have a certain medical problem XD

So yes, God will help me. He never fails me. He promises.

There really is no greater love than His, is there? :)

Siaw Hui

2008-11-02T23:21:00.002+11:00

Hosea 6:3
Let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth."

I love this verse it's so... sweet and romantic.

I'm falling in love again. :)

Siaw Hui

P.S. Yes, I know I'm supposed to be offline and studying but yeah, I was online to settle an important email hahaha so yeah, I came here loh. :)

2008-11-01T20:24:00.002+11:00

And this song has been playing in my head ever since an hour ago:

I'm not gonna live by what I see
(And boy do I see that I have tons of works ahead of me: 23 more lectures to make notes on, and then a full active revision of 70 lectures! and let's not forget the past exam papers and clinical tests i need to know.. all in the remaining 8 days... oh boy...)
I'm not gonna live by what I feel
(Gee whiz, I'm feeling a bit panicky now coz I dunno how I'd be able to finish!!)
Deep down I know that You're here with me
(But yeah, focusing on God and taking things slowly is working...)
And I know that You can do anything
(LIKE MAKE ME FINISH MY EXAM PREPARATIONS WHOO~)

Through you I can do anything
I can do all things
Coz it's you who gives me strength
Nothing is impossible!

You know, something that Cheri said rang something in my brain. Ever since yesterday, I had been panicking over what I'd be able to do during Swot Vac (study week). Because I have a heck lot on my plate to finish before exams start in 8 day (not including today) and I don't know how I can get it done! I make all this elaborate plans on what I should finish doing by a certain day and the plans just fall to pieces (like today: supposed to do 12 lectures and where am I? Finishing off my 5th and it's almost 9 pm and I have ushering at 9 am tomorrow)

And so like REALLY HOW TO FINISH?

But yeah, last night at UL, God suddenly told me to stop worrying and just... find my rest in Him. I wake up some mornings, having this heavy feeling in my heart because I'm afraid that I might fail my exams, that I can't finish preparing. And some days I just feel like vomiting at the sight of fine black print on white paper. And then I feel sick again because my plans aren't working. But then God stops me and gives me a verse and I feel all refreshed again. Or sometimes He just tells me that I should just focus on Him and study steadily and He'd make everything right. He'd make me finish on time and remember what I'm supposed to.

And yeah, like Cheri says, why control something when you can have the Author of life control it for you? And make it work ;)

2008-10-30T18:14:00.004+11:00

Imagine a little girl (or boy lol) running in golden-tinged fields, hands skimming over the tall grass.

She's running with joy, laughing and dancing around the flowers.

Now imagine her father running with her, laughing and calling her name. Asking her to hold on to his hand lest she should fall or get lost in the wide, wide fields.

The girl dances over to her father and puts her hand trustingly in his. Hand in hand, they begin to skip together through the meadow. Sometimes they stop to smell or pick the flowers. And someitmes they're running faster, other times slower.

And always the father leads the little girl. Always giving her a little tug with his hand linked with hers to bring her to new places on the field, to enjoy new wonders.

And always saying, "Don't let go. Hold on to me."

But then distractions begin to plague the field. And try as she might, the little girl starts to let her eyes wander over to such things. She becomes curious, she wants to know more. And before she knows it, her hand begins to slip out of her father's grip, slowly and almost inevitably. And she begins to run after things but it isn't long before she realizes that she doesn't know where she's going anymore.

It isn't long before she realizes that the thing she pursued was uninteresting, uneventful, nothing compared to the joy she once had.

So she looks around and soon enough her father comes by. He doesn't scold her, he doesn't even look angry. All he does is smile and tap her shoulder before taking her hand again.

But it isn't long before she runs away again...

When I first saw this in my dream, all I could do was just cry. Because how often have I been guilty of doing what the little girl did? Running away when distractions came because they looked far more interesting. Letting distractions come between me and my Dad.

How many times? It must really break God's heart.

And yet He always comes to rescue me and take my hand again.

Because. Just because... He loves me.

*~Siaw Hui~*

2008-10-27T00:16:00.002+11:00

For those of you out there who's about to despair because your situation looks hopeless and impossible, I've got a word for you:

"Stop living and looking at the natural; go higher with God and start living and seeing in the supernatural. Where in the natural, things seem impossible, in the supernatural, He makes all things possible."

O-hh yeah :)

2008-10-25T12:07:00.002+11:00

Psalm 16: 1
Keep me safe O Lord, for in you I find refuge.

Psalm 16: 5
Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure.

I just love these verses because there's just such a sense of security that radiates from the words. It's as if God has me locked deep in His BIG embrace and any storm that surrounds me won't even touch me; it'd just bounce off His strong, big frame :)

And to know that whatever promises He has for on my life, whatever blessings He showers on me is kept safe by Him as well just makes me feel warm and happy. Because I know now, that everytime the Devil tries to steal away my blessings and my promises, he will never succeed because he'd have to come up against my awesome Daddy. The only way he can ever take away the good things God has for me is to work on my mind instead, convincing me not to CLAIM the blessing that is already there because "are you sure it's meant for you? are you sure you didn't misunderstand?"

Well no more, Mr. Devil, those blessings are safe in God's hands and it's ripe for my taking so get your dirty little paws off them!

And in this world where nothing is ever steady and everything is always changing (will you just look at the global economic meltdown!) it's always nice to know that the one thing that we can always depend on is the very meaning of security itself: God.

*~Siaw Hui~*

2008-10-22T17:33:00.003+11:00

It's now exactly 1 month to home in Kuching. And 2008's drawing to a close in slightly over 2 months. How the year passes!

Looking back over this year, I realize that despite the bumps in the road and the tears I have cried, there's really nothing worth complaining about.

Because with every bump, God never failed to wait beside me to pull me up. And though sometimes, it took me a little longer to get up because I was more comfortable being down on my bum rather than get up and fall again, I did get up. I did move on. Though sometimes, I turned and wanted to go back to before, because it seemed more familiar and secure, gently He turned my head back to focus on the road before me, reenforcing the need to move on. And He watched with pride as I chose to let go and step forward. And with that I grew.

And with every tear I cried, God was there to wipe it all away. He was there to take away my broken heart and give me a fresh new heart. He was there to hold me through it all. Even through those late nights, while the world slept and I lay awake on my bed, staring through tear-filled eyes at the ceiling, He was always there. And that's one thing He has taught me: He's available 24/7 for any need and anything.

Through the hardest days I've had in 2 years, He was right beside me, being my personal cheerleader, whispering words of encouragement. Sometimes, when it was so easy to judge the world around me, He gave me His Spirit and those very eyes that He has: eyes that look upon all in a love that till now remains so unexplainable. He clapped when I made it through the day, living by His principles but never condemned me when I didn't; instead gently correcting me. And despite the stubborness and pride, His words would eventually get through because my way would always fail.

He took away the chains upon my life and relieved me of my fears. He taught me the importance of faith and challenged me to believe. And time and time again, I saw Him take away a simple cold or flu during the winter days. He taught me to obey even when things didn't make sense. And never once, did He ever fail me; instead I reaped rewards. He taught me to stop trying to do everything in my strength and instead, depend on Him. And the lessons just keep coming...

And best of all, He inspired me to dream. He planted a seed in my heart and over the year, He grew a calling for the future that excites me but at the same time, scares me because it seems so impossible by my strength. But then I remember, I'd do it by His strength and not mine. And sometimes I think of how fragile the dream is but how much safer can a dream be than being in God's plan? All I need to do is obey but for now, the dream still keep growing...

*~Siaw Hui~*

2008-10-15T12:07:00.005+11:00

It's amazing how much can be contained within one phrase:

Let go and let God.

Like Cheri recently said, stop holding on to everything. The more you hold on to, the more eggs you're putting in that tiny little basket of yours. And one day or another everything just comes tumbling out ... and before you know it, you can cook an omelette with the yolk that's on the ground.

Sounds yummy ain't it? But trust me it won't be in real life. Because when everything comes falling out of the basket, that's when you feel like your carefully built up world has fallen around you. Because everything you've held on to for dear life now lies shattered in the mud.

So why not, hold on to God? And then let HIM hold on to everything else you hold dear? Your studies, your finances, your work, your everything. Because you see, His basket is bigger. And the most important thing is this: When you give Him the things you're holding on to , He's now free to take each of those things out of HIS basket at His leisure and work His plans on them. He won't have to fight with you over your basket for the things in there... because now there's none.

And the greatest thing of all?

When you hold on to worldly things, things can let you down. Friendship can break us, I'm sure we all know that by now. So can our careers. But you know what?

My Bible tells me My God will never let me down. He'd neither leave nor forsake me.

So seriously, is there any disadvantage of holding on to Him and letting go of everything to Him?

Let go, let God.

~*Siaw Hui~*

2008-10-14T21:59:00.006+11:00

Let's face it: We live in a practical world, a world that believes in logic and reason, science and facts. So, it's really not odd when someone approaches you with a question that picks at the logic behind what my God tells me.

And sometimes, it's really hard to come back at them with an answer because some things just require faith not logic. For example, "How do I know God really loves me?" Well, there isn't any hard-core scientific proof for that but is I believe that He does suffice? And then some people may even go through the entire process of archaelogical evidence that Jesus was on earth, died for our sins because of His love (are you sure?) etc. etc.

But sometimes, you know what? God can provide a really good LOGICAL answer to the questions you're being asked. It's what happened to me last year ;)

Going through Trinity, I had to take History of Ideas (HOI) as one of my subjects ;) And one of the things that HOI sought to instill in us was the art of critical thinking and idea debate. Now, one of the topics that was briefly touched upon was Christianity and another was about individual rights.

Now, my HOI tuts were always filled with verbal debating because my tutor, Mr J loved for us to discuss ideas. So, was it really surprising if one day, a question suddenly popped up regarding Christianity and individual rights?

Mr J: (to the class) So, do we all believe in individual rights?
Class: Yes!
Mr J: Right! So then, if a person wants to be a gay, does he have the right to become one?
Class: Yes!
Mr J: Absolutely sure?
Class: Yes!
Mr J: Okay... so then isn't it okay for a pastor of a church, for example, to become gay if he wants to? He has the right to choose his sexuality doesn't he?
Class: (Half of which are professed Christians, weakly) yes...
Me: (firmly) No!

Class turns to look at me.

Mr J: And why do you say so, Siaw Hui?
Me: (suddenly realizing I loud in answering) Uhm... well that's not right.
Mr J: But you just said that it was his individual right to be gay. So why should him being a pastor make him any different?
Me: Yes... but (scrambling to find an answer) if we want to talk about individual rights, then why don't we extend it to that of the church? The guy wants to be gay and serve in the church, yes he does have a right to do that... but doesn't the church have the right to exercise what they believe in? That God does not accept homosexuality and therefore, a person serving Him by being a pastor shouldn't be one?

The whole class is watching by now.

Mr J: That's true... But then, isn't it also true that the Bible tells us that God loves everyone? Why does he not accept homosexuals then?

And that was the question that stumped me. And as I sat there, staring at the tutor, the whole class was watching me.

And then suddenly, I had a thought pass extremely quickly through my mind and before I could even comprehend what it was (my mind skipped to a: Oh my God that's it!), I found my mouth opening...

Me: But you see, Mr. J, love does not necessarily mean acceptance.

The whole class now was literally going: Huh? but Mr J. just cocked his head to one side...

Mr J: What do you mean?

Me: (slowly, opening my mouth without realizing) Love does not mean acceptance. You see, it's like a father and his son. The father loves his son, very very much. And there is nothing the son has or can do that will make his father love him less. The love... the love the father has for his son is unconditional. Even if his son becomes a murderer, the father will continue to love him BUT he will not accept his murdering behaviour because that is a moral crime. The father loves him despite and inspite of everything BUT he will NOT condone the killing he has done.

I look up and the whole class is just staring at me until Mr J...

Mr J: (smiles and nods) I concede the argument. (raises his hand in surrender) For once in my class, Siaw Hui, I have nothing to say against you.

The humbling and awesome thing is that that explanation was never my own. I believed, and still do, that it came from God. I can never be as wise as that and remember, the thought was so fleeting that it came out of my mouth without even staying in my brain for more than 1 second.

So, are you asking for God-given wisdom to answer questions today? Or are you trying to rely on your own wisdom and stumbling?

Hallelujah! =D

2008-10-13T19:35:00.006+11:00

Hellooo! It is my first time writing here. But I got a great testimony to share that will perhaps encourage you to continue trusting faithfully in God! He will work miracles in your life, both small and big. Praise the Lord! =D

Basically, my situation was that I was going to get evicted from my room in my hostel. The city council came recently and declared my room illegal. I have no idea why they did so, because I have already stayed there for 1 and 3/4 years. They came a few times prior and the room was fine then. I had also paid my rent for the whole entire year, and I was told if I were to move out with my housemate for next year instead of taking the substitute accommodation arranged, I would forfeit my rent. My rent includes food, internet and utilities bills and is quite costly. Additionally, exams are approaching in just a few weeks. Furthermore, the substitute arrangement was very inconvenient and far away from the hostel. The plan was for me to eat and use the internet at the hostel every day although I stayed elsewhere.

Either way it seemed I have to face quite a lot of inconvenience. As anyone can guess, I was very stressed. I was praying, "God help me!" and stressing out almost every day. I was quite behind in my studies as well, so there was that added pressure. I must however admit, I couldn't really see how God will work this out, but I had that tiny belief that He somehow would. And He did! Even faith so tiny can do great things in God's name, all you have to do is put your trust in Him.

A few days later after I was told of the crazy arrangements (the substitute accommodation was not even confirm, the hostel manager was still looking for a place), a friend, who stayed in my hostel, offered me her room to share while we on the train to go for a church course. Although I knew her room can fit two people quite adequately as it is a single room converted from a double room, I thought she was not serious and joked about how if we squished in a single room, we would get a refund because we both paid for single rooms. Thus, when I reached back that night, I was still in panic mode.

However I thought back on that offer and proceeded to ask that friend if she would ask her parents for permission and stuff. To my great surprise, by the time I wanted to ask her, she had already called her parents and received their approval. And to my even greater surprise, her parents were not one bit concerned about compensation for the inconvenience of her squishing. Instead, all they asked was that this will not impede her studies. Although she said a little money would be good, it was not a deciding factor. Now to put things into context, when most people found out I was going to move into her room from now on, their first question was, "Is she getting any money/compensation?" To make things even sweeter and ever so thoughtful, she even asked her corridormate if I could share the toilet with them as well.

To make things very clear, she does not have to offer her room and squish with me, and suffer from the inconvenience caused. Lastly, we had to get our hostel manager's approval as well. And with God's grace and control, he agreed and said he may compensate my friend as well. PRAISE THE LORD!! Thus all these events certainly have the mark of God on them. How else could things fall so smoothly into place?

This flow of events have taught me so much. What is the point of worrying and being so stressed? Read Matthew 6:25-34. It's about how God gives so much to the plants who do not sow, so how much more will He provide for your needs? He sees you as such a valuable child, so priceless that He paid your price through His one and only son, Jesus!

I'm glad and thankful that God put so many of my friends and family to support and pray for me during this stressful time. =D Who cares about those who did not? It does not mean when no one appears to care for you, there is no one caring. You are never alone because the Lord is by your side always. So stop counting what you do not have and you will realise you have plenty! God will always provide. Trust in Him always!

In the meantime, God bless you!

Keep believing and trusting,
(= Hannah =)

2008-10-12T20:32:00.003+11:00

I so love worship right now :) and I totally understand when Cherish says that she loves album recordings :D

You know, I've always loved the story of the Prodigal Son. How the father always continued to love his boy through the seasons and then ended up welcoming him back home with open arms eventhough he squandered away all his inheritance from his dad. It's a love that's so incomprehensible, a love that goes beyond all measure.

I've always felt so inspired by the story and I love all the parables in the great big book of everything i.e. Bible because personally, I've always loved writing. I love the way words look on paper, sound when said and brings life to a story. And when I say I love writing, I mean writing stories not university-style essays blech. :D

Earlier this year, when I was asking God what He could use of me to let people around me know about Him, He told me that He would use me to write things that would encourage people. One of the reasons why I stepped out in faith when He asked me start a devotional blog (ahem, this one! :D)

And I totally loved that promise of His because well, I find passion in putting things into words and when people respond to what I write, it just fuels the passion even more. So, if I write now of God's goodness and people respond to my writing, it'd be doubly awesome, know why? Because not only would it fuel my passion to write more to encourage ppl more BUT it would also let them walk closer to God :D :D

Anyway, off tangent. So yeah, I've always loved the Prodigal son and I've always loved and wanted to do a slightly modern-day twist to the story in the sense that people of our age group would be able to respond to (not that they wouldn't respond to Prodigal son, I did and I almost teared XD) because it related to their situation or maybe their friends or peers.

But I never got round to doing it because I had no inspiration of how to modify ...

Until the middle of this year.

I started getting this sketchy images in my head of a teenage girl. And whenever I did, I somehow knew that whatever the pictures flashing in my head, this was the girl's life story. And also I get this urge of wanting to tell her story: the exact same urge I get when I get cool fiction story plots in my head. And usually the urge meant sooner or later, the story would get told... in my words written on my paper.

This time though, I felt that whatever the girl's life story was, it was something that is stays at the very heart of our God. And so, I knew that to write this story would mean that it would be inspired by Him.

BUT as lovely as it all sounds, the images suddenly stopped...

Until today in worship.

God has placed even clearer images in my head. But that's not what's most exciting. The most exciting fact is that this images are NEW and this images have suddenly put a bit of a different spin on the old story of the Prodigal Son in that there are other messages that God wants to put through.

So... stay tuned. I'm so pumped and inspired :)

2008-10-08T18:34:00.002+11:00

thanks Cherish for the song (hugs) you're the bestest. :)

Hold on - Daniel Doss Band

When you don't want to face another day
Seems like your life's one big mistake
Failures from your former self chase you
Listen close so you know what to do

You may not see it
You may not feel it
But I'm holding you tightly
Your spirit is near Me
So hold on hold on
It will not be long till its all over child
Hold on hold on
Lay your weary head upon my shoulder

The pain is beating down so faithfully
But My love is more faithful
You will see and the winds will show no mercy for your face
But your heart is safe secure inside My grace

I totally and completely identify with this song, especially the italicized parts.

Sometimes all we really need to do, when things around us start to fall pieces, one by one, is to just stop looking at what's happening. It's hard, I know, because the hurt and the disappointment feels and tastes so real.

But like what Pastor Sam said yesterday at Inner Champ (yay for her :D), the world around us seems so real but you know what? The reality of who God is and what His kingdom is so much real-er. Because this world will pass away and all that remains will be Him. And because of that, we can always go higher, reach higher and know deep within that we have a God that will always be bigger than our problems.

And the one method that I've found that never fails, providing you do it with a mind that is still, calm and completely cleared; NOT messed up and scattered, is when you ask God for help.

You see, it's like we're on training ground really and we're like soldiers. Sometimes we need to get down and crawl a bit in the mud, or under that fence or dodge the bullets that come from everywhere. Just like training grounds, we sometimes get the easier spots: "Oh it's just running really. Oh it's just crawling in the mud really." But then sometimes we get the tougher spots: "Oh no! Bullet bombardment! Duck!"

And if you do it on your own, it's gonna be real hard. Imagine. You're looking to the left for a bullet, but then it might come from the right whilst you're looking the other way. What God's like is He's our personal lookout who can see EVERYTHING that's going on. So when we ask for help, He'd guide us through the entire thing, even when we can't see the bullet that's coming our way, we'd know to duck anyway because He'd tell us: Duck NOW!

And you must remember, the important thing about training ground is that, if you're on it for long enough, you become an expert in handling a certain, same kind of obstacle. So that when you approach it again, it becomes second-nature for you to overcome it easily.

But whatever it is, don't just stand there and give up. Because then you'd never finish your training and graduate to a higher level. And isn't it always better to go out there and fight it out? Because even if you fail and fall, there'd always be God to pick you up off the ground by the hand and say: Come on, keep going. You can do it because I'm with you.

So what are you doing today? Fighting your way through a field of bullets for a victory that you know has already been won? Or have you just given up?

2008-10-05T21:34:00.002+11:00

1 Samuel 3
v7 Now Samuel did not yet know the LORD : The word of the LORD had not yet been revealed to him.

When I first read that verse, I was thinking: How on EARTH can Samuel not know the Lord? I mean come on, the boy has been serving at God's temple with Eli ever since he was a toddler, how could he not know the God he was making sacrifices unto?

But then, I read it again and then I understood. It's so pure and simple.

You see, what the scripture meant by: "Samuel did not yet know the Lord" was that yes, Samuel knew OF God. Oh yeah, he knew he served a God that desired sacrifices from His people, that was holy, that saved his own ancestors from Egypt etc. BUT Sam didn't know God PERSONALLY.

You see, there's a difference between knowing of someone and knowing someone personally. For eg., say I know OF Girl A. I know that she's pretty, smart, is studying in Melbourne University, is friendly, helpful, loving. But you see, if I don't know her personally, well then I wouldn't get to EXPERIENCE her character. I wouldn't get to get a REVELATION of her loving nature. I wouldn't get to know the feeling of being helped in my studies by her.

And that's exactly what Samuel was experiencing: he had not gotten a personal experience with God, he had not had a revelation of God's many sides of character as proven by the part of the Scripture that goes: "The word of God had not yet been revealed to him."

You see, sometimes that's just like me. I dunno about you, but I know sometimes I am contented with knowing that God is a God of providence, of love, of unparalled forgiveness, of mercy, of grace. But why should I be contented with just knowing OF His character? Especially when I have nothing standing in my way to ask Him for a revelation of His personality? During my day in university, when I'm walking to the nearest shop?

But you see, the most important key point in this whole thing is that I will never get an experience of His character unless I ASK FOR IT.

v10 The LORD came and stood there, calling as at the other times, "Samuel! Samuel!" Then Samuel said, "Speak, for your servant is listening."
11 And the LORD said to Samuel...

You see, God didn't force Himself on Samuel. He didn't say: Okay, Samuel, I wanna tell you something so I don't care if you wanna listen, I'm just gonna say it anyway. No, instead what He did was keep calling him , and calling and calling until Samuel finally said: Tell me, Lord. And that was then God started to speak.

It's the same with us really. God keeps whispering: Come on, I want to show you how much I love you. I want to show you how I can provide. I want to share with you the wonderful dreams I have for your love. All you need to do is say Yes to me. He's always wanting to speak to us, it's always us who doesn't want to listen to Him.

So, are you allowing God to speak to you today? Or are you just saying No and shutting the door?

The King's Edict

2008-10-04T13:18:00.006+10:00

so right, i was actually debating about whether to post this up or not because:
1) this is actually quite a pretty hard core, wake-up-stand-up! revelation (but oh man, that just makes me love it all the more :D)
2) i got it from God about a month ago now during my quiet time :)

BUT well, the fact that it's been on my mind now for eons and that it's taught me to be such a person of faith, not to hold back and just not let attacks come at you from right, left, front and centre has inspired me to share it with you.

it'd be pretty long though (hehehe) because i'd be taking verses from across the book of Esther and explaining its relevancy etc. etc. so BEAR with me, because believe me, though this is such a fundamental truth that it's repeated over and over again throughout the Bible, it's good to hear it once more no?

Esther 3:

v 8 Then Haman said to King Xerxes, "There is a certain ppl dispersed and scattered among the peoples in all the provinces of your kingdom whose customs are different from those of all other people and who do not obey the king's laws; it is not in the king's best interest to tolerate them.

v9 If it pleases the king, let a decree be issued to destroy them, and I will put ten thousand talents of silver into the royal treasury for the men who carry out this business."

v 10 So the king took his signet ring from his finger and gave it to Haman son of Hammedatha, the Agagite, the enemy of the Jews.

v 11 "Keep the money," the king said to Haman, "and do with the people as you please."

v 12 Then on the 13th day of the first month, the royal secretaries were summoned. They wrote out in the script of each province and in the language of each people all Haman's orders to the king's satraps, the governors of the various provinces and the nobles of the various peoples. These were written in the name of King Xerxes himself and sealed with his own ring.

v 13 Dispatches were sent by couriers to all the king's provinces with the order to destroy, kill and annihilate all the Jews - young and old, women and little children - on a single day, the 13th day of the 12th month, the month of Adar, and to plunder their goods.

So basically, what's happening here is that Haman hates the Jews so much so that he's pressured the King to send out an edict to totally and completely exterminate all the Jews in the kingdom. What a tall standing order huh?

But you see, the fact is this.

Once upon a time, in the days of Adam and Eve, our Father the King had an edict written out as well. Granted, He would (I am positively sure) have hated writing out the edict but He had to do it because of His own nature.

You see, back in those days, Adam and Eve did something incredibly bad by eating the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge even though God told them EXPLICITLY not to. And because of their disobedience, they were now condemned to become sinners. And as we all know, our God by His nature is a holy God and what holiness means is that He cannot tolerate sin. And so what happened was that, Adam and Eve and all their descendants (which would mean the whole entire human race) had to bear the yoke of sin: being separated from God.

How sad is it? Separated from the one God that made you, breathed life into you, yearns for you each and every day?

But there was so much more to the penance of sin.

The book of Romans tells us that: the wages of sin is death. Death is not the final mortal frontier as most of the world would like you to believe. Death also meant that there was a loss of the promise of eternal life with our beloved Father. Furthermore, it would mean that our lives would be controlled by sin, we would become slaves to sin (check Romans 6). And well, first and foremost, being a slave is certainly not my cup of tea because it means you have to subject yourselves to whatever your master wants of you. What more to sin?

Sin is something that the devil is oh-so-familiar with. After all, he was the one who fell from heaven because of it. Sin robs us of the good life that God has wanted for us and drags us deeper into this icky, mucky swamp that's just... gross! I mean, come on, think of some sins.

Adultery? Doesn't that just ensure that they hop from one bed to another, sleeping with another man/woman who isn't their husband/wife? Doesn't that ensure that they tell lie after lie just so that they're not found out? And as the lies grow ever increasingly more, doesn't it just make them swim in this huge sea of insecurity that they WILL get found out one day? And then their lives become a "just-going-through-the-motions" kind of thing whereby they no longer feel any love for anyone... and life just becomes this flat, dull line...

What about just a little white lie here and there? You lie once to save your skin, then you lie again to save it once again... and then the lies mount as you lie thrice, four times, five times, just to make your previous lie sound convincing. And there'd always be that niggling thought in your mind of: I had BETTER make sure no one finds this out... so I'd just create some more lies for backup, just in case.

I can just so imagine what God must have done and felt like when men fell into the world of sin. He alone understood ALL the disastrous and disgusting consequences of sin. He knew that He had to write an edict regarding men because of their sin. After all, how could holiness and sin ever mix?

When He penned the words, admitting that we were now slaves to sin and subject to what it could do to us, His heart must have been broken with every word. Just like how King Xerxes wrote the edict allowing Haman to do everything he wanted onto the Jews before finally killing them, God was allowing sin to wraught limitless destruction upon our lives. Oh, how He must have cried!! Especially when He knew that this was not what He actively wanted, but because He was holy!

But you see, in the story, Esther was willing to sacrifice herself so that the Jews might be saved from the torture and death the edict had written about. And you know what her sacrifice did? She reversed the edict ONCE AND FOR ALL.

And that, my friends was what God revealed to me ;)

Esther 8:
v 7 King Xerxes replied to Queen Esther and to Mordecai the Jew, "Because Haman attacked the Jews, I have given the estate to Esther, and they have hanged him on the gallows.

v8 Now write another decree in the king's name in behalf of the Jews as seems best to you, and seal it with the king's signet ring - for no document written in the king's name and sealed with his ring can be revoked."

v9 At once the royal secretries were summoned - on the 23rd day of the 3rd month, the month of Sivan. They wrote out all Mordecai's orders to the Jews and to the satraps, governers and nobles of the 127 provinces stretching from India to Cush...

You see, Esther's sacrifice ensured that another edict from the King was sent out: this time, it was an edict that ensured that the Jews would no longer suffer at the hands of Haman and his cronies, that they would no longer need to be put to death, no longer NO LONGER!

And guess what?

It's exactly what Jesus did!

He sacrificed Himself on that cross on Calvary to reverse the edict that was initially written upon our lives. Oh man, doesn't that make you feel excited? You see, no longer do we need to lose the promise of eternal life. No longer do we need to be separated from the God who loves us. No longer do we need to be slaves to sin (check Romans 6 again :D)

You see, there's a new edict issued by our King. It's so simple yet wonderful! The edict merely says: Jesus has died for the sins of the world. Therefore, accept Him into your life and voila~ the previous edict is NON EXISTENT.

But wait, there's more!

You see, not only did the new King Xerxes edict prevent the Jews annihilation but it gave them power to stand up against their enemies! Here have a look:

Esther 8
v 11 The king's edict granted the Jews in every city the right to assemble and protect themselves; to destroy; kill and annihilate any armed force of any nationality or province that might attack them and their women and children; and to plunder the property of their enemies.

How cool is that??

THAT"S THE SAME WITH THE NEW EDICT THAT GOD HAS ISSUED!!

You see, not only are we no longer condemned to live with the old edict if we have Christ in our lives but we are now also given the POWER to destroy, kill and exterminate the devil who seeks to attack us!

Come on! Wake up!

You don't need to take any thing that the devil throws at you! Don't just stand there and go: Oh well... I can't do anything BECAUSE YOU CAN!

You can punch him in the face! You can stick a sword into his chest! You can kick him like a football! You can - oh I dunno - do whatever you do when someone is hell-bent on destroying you because your Daddy in heaven has written a new edict and given you the power to do so!

Woahh~~

Don't let anyone ever tell you that you don't have the power to do so, because you do have! After all, once a king's edict has been issued, all his citizens (hello, that's us!) will live it to the letter!

SO COME ON, don't just sit there, FIGHT when you feel like you're being attacked!

2008-09-02T18:16:00.002+10:00

In the secret place
I find You
In Your sweet embrace
In the stillness Lord
I'm waiting
Here to hear Your voice
Calling me
You're drawing me
Jesus You're all I need

You are all I need my Jesus
You're my everything
You are all I ever wanted
All I ever need my Jesus

Take me to the secret place Lord
You're all I need
Into the secret place Lord

Just one moment here with You
Means more than anything to me

sometimes, all we really need when time's running out on us and there remains a ton of work to do is to just really stop panicking, tune out and just blurt it all out to God. and rely on His strength and understanding to pull through.

and, believe me, the peace that comes breaking through inside of you is beyond describable.

2008-08-31T18:51:00.003+10:00

about a year ago, i was sitting on a plane, headed for home.

i had spent half the day milling around airports, playing out transit times that all i could think of on this final leg of the journey was to just get over it as soon as possible so that i could be home with family.

halfway through the flight however, the plane hit major turbulence that had me literally closing my eyes and praying that everything would be all right. and i remember thinking, over and over again: please Lord please Lord ...

and then the passenger next to me spoke up and i opened my eyes, only to realize that she was speaking to her partner next to her.

"isn't it amazing? in such a turbulence and on such a dark night as this, the pilot can't really see anything and yet he still has to fly on, guided by only his instruments."

and that was when God started to speak to me...

how many times in our lives do we feel that we're flying solo? that we're lurching on in the dark?

how often do we feel that the situation is way bigger than us? that we could so easily get lost because we don't know where we're heading...

but know this, despite the fact that you can't see and that you don't understand, know this:

that God has a plan for your life, a purpose for you. He has a destination for you and believe me, it's a great place. But sometimes, you just can't see it from where you're standing or maybe, you're just halfway there.

so just press on. because like the pilot in turbulence whose own human senses cannot help him, sometimes all our logic and all our earthly knowledge cannot figure out what's going on. but just like the pilot who relies on his plane's instruments which can pick up things beyond his senses to fly on, we need to rely on God who is able to look way and beyond our current position to move on.

He will see you through :)

Love

2008-08-27T11:01:00.003+10:00

"Love is not merely the presence of sincere and heart felt words towards another; it does not only account for the sharing and baring of your soul... but it is also seen in the way you behave and act towards the other: genuine and selfless."

thank you God because that just reminds me once again that actions speak WAY louder than words sometimes. :)

and because sometimes, the world drowns out what you're saying, and you're not able to love through your words.

but the world can never close off their hearts to receive your acts of kindness.

2008-08-23T21:31:00.002+10:00

Esther 3:13
"Dispatches were sent by couriers to all the king's provinces with the order to destroy, kill and annihilate all the Jews - young and old, women and little children - on a single day, the thirteenth day of the twelfth month, the month of Adar, and to plunder their goods."

Esther 4: 1 - 8
"When Mordecai learned of all that had been done, he tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and ashes, and went out into the city, wailing loudly and bitterly.

But he went only as far as the king's gate, because no one clothed in sackcloth was allowed to enter it.

In every province to which the edict and order of the king came, there was great mourning amongst the Jews, with fasting, weeping and wailing. Many lay in sackcloth and ashes.

When Esther's maids and eunuchs came and told her about Mordecai, she was in great distress. She sent clothes for him to put on instead of his sackcloth, but he would not accept them.

Then Esther summoned Hathach, one of the king's eunuchs assigned to attend her and ordered him to find out what was troubling Mordecai and why.

So Hathach went out to Mordecai in the open square of the city i front of the king's gate.

Mordecai told him everything that had happened to him, including the exact amount of money Haman had promised to pay into the royal treasury for the destruction of the Jews.

He also gave him a copy of the text f the edict for their annihilation, which had been published in Susa, to show to Esther and explain it to her, and he told him to urge her to go into the king's presence to beg for mercy and plead with him for her people."

when i first read this, i wondered to myself: why did Esther do what she did when she first heard about Mordecai and his state of distress?

i mean, the girl must be pretty thick-headed if you try to visualize what must have happened in the king's palace when she first heard about Mordecai...
Esther's maids: Queen Esther! Queen Esther! We have something to tell you about Mordecai!
Esther: what's happened then?
maids: He's standing outside the king's gates, wearing this sackcloth and he's just bawling his eyes out! We don't know why... but he's just wailing and thrashing himself!
Esther: Oh, okay, hmm... right. Just get him a new, clean set of clothes yeah?

know what i mean?

in real life, if i were to see someone on the brink of what looks like visual depression, i wouldn't really bother about what they're wearing, i would care more about what has CAUSED them to actually get into that state of emotion.

which was why my next question was: oh God, why did Esther do that? why didn't she ask her maids to find out WHY Mordecai was upset instead of trying to fix his clothes?

and the answer that came back to me was extremely simple, such that it just serves as a stark reminder.

sometimes, in this world, instead of trying to find out what someone's problem is, we try to FIX the physical manifestation of the person's problem.

for example:

it's a brilliant day. you feel on top of the world and you're walking through a park (carlton gardens! hahaha okay okay, i'm kidding) to get home. you CAN"T wait to go home because there's this fat chocolate muffin that siaw hui has made for you sitting in the fridge...

okay, i'd try this again shall i? XD

all right, so, you're cutting through the park and you're happy. and then, you walk past a girl crying on the bench. she isn't a complete stranger to you now. she's someone you see everyday in your faculty; you know her name, you say hi and talk the surface talk you talk ... but now, she's sitting on the park bench, bawling her little eyes out. she's completely and utterly alone in that huge park.

what would you do?

would you go to her and say: uhm... are you okay?

she'd probably say, while wiping her tears away: it's all right. i'm fine.

or would you profer some tissues, going: here now, take these and wipe those tears away. don't cry all right?

she'd probably take the tissues and wipe her tears dry. then she'd probably say: thank you. and if you follow that up with a: you're welcome. and say, is there anymore that i can do? she'd probably say: no and you'd probably leave.

or maybe you'd say: look here, don't cry. everything will turn out to be okay?

now, that's what i call dealing with the physical manifestations of the problem only.

look here, no one cries without a reason do they? the girl might be crying because she's just been ditched by her boyfriend (that'd be a classic reason now won't it?). or she might be crying because her mummy's just passed away. or she might be crying because she just realized she's gotten pregnant out of wedlock and now she doesn't know what to do...

there's nothing wrong with helping ppl cry or helping them STOP cry, but that'd just be like Esther saying: Mordecai, don't walk around in that sackcloth now. Here are some better clothes for you.

but then, that's it isn't it?

the girl may stop crying. Mordecai might have taken those clothes and worn it. but does it stop both their hearts from continuing to break with sadness?

no, it will not.

because their internal problems haven't been fixed. because no one has tried to ask: what's wrong with you? tell me why are you crying? tell me, why are you in that sack cloth and pottering around with tears in your eyes, Mordecai? maybe i can help you understand all this. maybe i can help you. tell me, i want to listen, i want to get involved.

granted, there's always a chance that they tell you: go away, nothing's wrong. but there also is a chance that they will recognize that willingness of yours to get involved with their lives and tell you what's wrong. and if you can help them, kudos, they'd stop crying. and their hearts will stop breaking because there's someone there willing to help them work through it.

i feel that, too many times in this world, people just try to fix up the outer problems and then pat themselves on the back saying: well done, well done, we just solved that when they haven't. all they've done is fix things up superficially.

because it's so much easier to just tell ppl to do things, make ppl do things. it's so much easier to stand on the outside and offer your comfort.

but it's much harder to get involved with the person, listen to the problems without a judging heart and expend your effort to help the person.

but that's what we've been called to do as children of God isn't it?

we've been called to love others despite of who they are.

and what's love without devoting yourself to those who need you?